...............
I need to spit it out somewhere
I can't stand it
Lately I have been a bit sentimental
I don't know why
I trust Takuma, but I don't feel assured
He is honest; however, at the same time,
I think he is hiding something from me.....
Just a feeling
It may be true; and it may not be true
so......I begin to think about the possibility of breaking up
You know, if he likes others, I will be willing to let go
I mean, I will be very sad of course
however, if he is not in love with me anymore, what's the point?
if he is happier with other girls, it will be a smart move to let go
I have no further choices, you know
just thinking about the idea makes me hurt,
and I am actually crying now....
but I reckon it is a process that I have to undergo
only by doing so can I care less about him
like what he has been doing
I am not saying he is not making any efforts to maintain this relationship
I do notice his efforts.
But other times it is quite hard to feel that
perhaps I am taking it for granted, I suppose?
Anyway,
I think we are having a problem here that is not going to be solved
personality problem, you know
the way of speaking, the way of sharing
it's not that he has to be the same as I do
but I dont feel he wants to share with me.............
It's full of contradictions...
you see....
I know he doesn't mean to make me feel like that;
he does want to share with me something, but he just doesn't know how !
I know his point
but still, I don't feel good about it
why? cause it seems like I am the one who tries so hard to understand him
Perhaps it all about my high expectation and my desire to know him more....
For example, (in my point of view)
if he had a lot of activities in a day, I would expect to hear a lot
the funny things, boring things or whatever he encountered during that day
yet, he is not really good at story-telling, you know
he would kind of summarize what he did
"I attended a dinner party. It was fun. I met a lot of people that I haven't seen for a while."
"I played tennis with my friends. We had a lot of fun today. And we also talked a lot during the rest."
"I had a meeting today with my team members. We discussed about the country that we are goint to make a proposal."
what I am expecting is something more like
"I attended a dinner party. It was fun. I ate a lot, such as donuts, pizzas, hamburgers.
The restaurant was quite popular. We waited for a while cuz we didn't make a reservation.
I had some talks with my friends. oh, there was one thing that was so funny!
my friend said that (_)#)(*%#IJ%...."
Well, I think you can say the expression is quite different between us
I don't want him to change to my style cause I know it's hard for him
yet, I don't feel comfortable with his words..........
How am I supposed to know what you DID in that party?
If you don't tell me, am I going to guess about it or what?
I don't know...........
perhaps I got to learn how to ask questions as well....
I just notice it is quite a big issue between us in my point of view
I am not happy with it
that's why I don't feel assured I reckon
I know he didn't mean to do it to make me feel this way
yet, as time goes by, I do feel a bit..............depressed
cuz I DON"T FEEL CLOSE TO HIM
I think that's what drives me crazy
Perhaps in his point of view, he is not defensive at all
and it may be his biggest improvement in life
yet it seems that I am not THAT satisfied with it
because our personalities are different
compared with him, I am more willing to share my thoughts
I am more strict than he is in mental connections
I guess that's why I got sentimental sometimes
I don't like to cry........
I know I cry cause I am in love with a person.....
It reminds me of my first love
at that time, I couldn't help but crying a lot (without letting him know)
now, things......................tend to go into that way........
I hate myself being weak and caring so much about a relationship
although leaving is hard and harsh for me
it opens for other better choices for both of us maybe.........
I don't want to break up
yet, if it makes him happy I will do it
why? cause I don't think he is happy with me
that's why.
留言列表
